and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
