maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
