I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's never too late to be topless.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
