Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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