im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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