I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
