Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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