Im at strip club and am horny
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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