So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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