It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
