She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
