remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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