I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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