I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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