another moral hangover. fuck.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
