if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize