ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
