omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Drunk is not a location!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
