We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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