she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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