We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
