I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
