did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
