Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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