Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
