Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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