why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
