Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
