it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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