Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Is Oprah even human
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
