Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize