just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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