Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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