I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
