So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
