I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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