I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
