I'm drive I can fine osifer
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
