My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
