I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
