Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
