pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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