i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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