My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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