She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's rum buckets o'clock
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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