i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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