fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
