Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
