Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
