weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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