Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Randomize
