sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
