K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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