I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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