ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
