Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
