dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
