you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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