The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
