thus making me awesome and them whores
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
