# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
