Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
