His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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