He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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