She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
