Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
