I think I won the penis lottery.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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