So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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