That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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