Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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