the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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