the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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