I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize