i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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