I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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