Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
