shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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