So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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