i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
