you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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