the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
