Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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