Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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