Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
