No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
